My birth story- October 2023

I thought I’d share my birth story and why I feel so passionate about helping those affected by birth trauma.

With my 1st birth I had an emergency c-section and was left with PTSD. It was a horrible experience so I swore that next time I would have a calm VBAC at home.

Fast forward 3 years and I met my one true love (awh) and we got pregnant. I informed my maternity team that I would be having a home birth. I received a bit of pushback but as a student midwife, I was aware of the risks and accepted them.

A few months before I was due, the home birth service was canceled due to staffing. I was so angry and upset that I wouldn’t get my home birth. I did not want to give birth in the hospital where I had my first baby so I fought to give birth in a nearby maternity unit 50 minutes away.

When I went into labour, my partner Matthew drove us to the MLU. I was a bit disheartened to learn I wasn’t in established labour. So we stayed the night, listened to music and tried to stay relaxed.

I have a high pain threshold but by the morning, the pain had become unbearable and at this point I started to suspect something wasn’t quite right (mother’s intuition maybe). At about 10am, I stood up and my waters broke, all I remember seeing was lots of blood and looking for my partner’s hand because I was scared. I knew at this point that this birth was probably not going to go the way I’d hoped for and accepted that we had to go to the consultant led unit. The ambulance journey was awful, there had been no time to check Arthur’s heartbeat before we left, so I didn’t know if he was still alive.

I continued to bleed once we arrived and the consultant said I needed to have an emergency c-section, I was distraught but agreed. In theatre, it was discovered that I was having a uterine rupture.

Not getting the births I wanted with both my babies, broke me. And trying to navigate this trauma whilst training to be a midwife in the same hospital where I was traumatised, is a complete minefield.

I want to help others get through birth trauma, because it is such a lonely and dark place to be in. And no one deserves it.